The Disgrace

Listening to: The Rejection, Various Artists

So here on the edge it is the most ultimate wonderful day outside, it's days like these that remind you that there are only 4 months, sixteen weeks, some incredible number of hours 'till school i s O U T! But of course, instead of working on my horrendous tummy tan what am I doing?! Homework!

Yes we all have to keep up our grades and etcetera but do they have to assign stupid things like reference cards for research projects or something? They're just doing this to torture us. I wish I could boycott it. But my history teacher is a pain in my minimal ass so I doubt he'll succumb to the will of thirty odd high school-ers.

-scream of frustration-

C

Verymodelofamodernmajorgeneral...

Listening to: Modern Major General

"Do you all intend to leave me robbed of my daughters, the very lights of my life?"

"Yes that is what we intend."

Haven't touched this and is bored. going to go paint.

It Really Can Get Worse

Listening To: When You're Gone, Avril Lavigne

Somehow you wouldn't think things could go as wrong as they do.

There's someone. I've never felt this way about anything or anyone and it's unsettling. I'm not used to caring for someone more than I care about myself. The world used to go simply: Me, My Family and Friends and then Everyone Else. My priorities have been shuffled. I feel sick but in a good way. Every time I'm near him the world gets slower and I feel like I'm moving through Jell-O, I can't breathe, I can't think straight, I can't speak, I revert to being a five-year-old. I can't stop looking, whatever scent he's wearing- it is all I can smell, I can feel the heat radiating from him even though I'm nine feet away, every sound he makes is glorious.

Basically he freiking mutilates my senses.

Every ounce of strength goes into not walking over, not wrapping my arms around him and pressing my face to his chest, kissing him, telling him how horrible it is to feel this way. It almost makes me sick to my stomach, sometimes it does. Not five minutes go by in which he doesn't cross my mind. Not three seconds go by in which I feel disgusted for not doing anything.  I don't feel good enough for him but all I want is to be with him, really with him. None of that, horizontal macerena stuff. Just sit next to him, doing anything. Even nothing.

This is weird. I'm going to stop now.

C

Chipmunk on Crack

Listening to: Phantom of the Opera, Sarah Brightman and Steve Harley

Yeah, no comment about today really other than:

Waited around to audition for the musical.

Freaked out

Went to coffee bean

freaked out some more

Auditioned for the Musical.

Pretty much died durring the inquisition.

Came out and freaked out major-ly

Died again.

Walked home with a good friend

Died once more.

I think I'm good now.

During my first major freak-out I was given some interesting advice: Just follow what your heart says and you'll do fine. Unfortunately at that point in time my heart wasn't really thinking about the audition. Well it was but when I explained this later to someone else, my heart was not thinking about singing "Is This Home" versus "Beauty and the Beast."

You know what sucks? People can't take hints sometimes and I'll leave it at that, some day I'm going to just jump him and he'll be all, "Where the hell did that come from?"

You should have paid attention, I was listening to my heart.

You know you love me,

C

Like, Totally, Like, Wow! You totally freak me out!

Listening to: Don't Wanna Be In Love, Good Charlotte

I don't know what's up really. I mostly forgot I had a blog again. Whatever, no one  reads it anyway.

Got back from a semi-formal-ish partay by KT. Yes I'm a sellout but whatever, we're friends and that's the end. K is less whipped now, good for him! I'm proud. J is just as she always is, whatever.

List of the goods and bads of le partay:

-Hung out with friends- good

-Danced and probably broke a hip- good

-Had a romantic epiphany- bad

-Social Drama of some kind although I have no clue what the hell it was about- bad

-Had some fun- good

So all in all the party was okayishlygood which is nice. I don't really know though... In my opinion the only good drama at a party is when a fight breaks out. Other than that it's just depressing. And now I'm stuck here abloggin' and picking out the clumps of mascara from my eyelashes. (I really need to think of a better way to get this shit out.)

Alright so onto something important- I.E my romantic epiphany:

M and L if you're reading this then this should be news to you, but whatever.

I dunno but lately I haven't been able to stop thinking about him, he's always with me anyway and it's so hard not to just get onto my tiptoes and kiss him in front of everyone... or scream and rip off his clothes... jk not really, that'd be weird. Anywhoozle, I'm going to go insane if I don't do something but awkward would suck between us. Besides, we wouldn't make a very good couple, we just don't have complementing personalities, I mean, if we were opposites it would make more sense but us together is more like peanut butter and a kiwi than peanut butter and jelly, or a banana or an apple or even chocolate. (By the way, I detest peanut butter so that makes it even worse.) And if I really like this guy as bf material, shouldn't that keep me from feeling completely weird when we start to dance or whatever, I just feel awkward around him altogether. It's insane. I'm going insane. Great.

I'm going to sleep on this eventually. I'm probably over thinking all of this anyway. 

You know you love me,

C